morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
