he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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