I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
