So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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