Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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