The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
