Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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