Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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