My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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