She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize