even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
