i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
