omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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