You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
