why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
