I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
