She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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