Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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