ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
