please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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