Do you still have your period?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
