My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
