Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize