there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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