do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
