two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
