I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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