I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
