I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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