Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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