I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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