She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
