apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we're making bets on your personal life
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
