how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize