Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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