I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
