Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
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If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize