Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
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Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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