If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
