I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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