He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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