Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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