Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
