dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
