I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
