From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
