You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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