You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
