new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
