Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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