Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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