Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
