6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
