are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
