saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
