I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
