FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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