i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The air was thick with penises
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
