Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
