Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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