Do vagina's smell?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
