So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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