The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
