There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
