we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
