if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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